Living Authentically

Living in line with your values and discovering your WHY

We hear the word ‘authentic’ banded around everywhere, but what does it mean?

To me, it means taking action in line with your values and honouring/respecting yourself so that you can be the person you want, even if people around you have different values.

It may sound easy, but many people I meet struggle with following their values.

We should also recognise that women especially may have been told to follow traditions without question or told ‘this is just the way things are’. Not everyone is in a position where they can follow their values if it means going against the norm, they may face a backlash in some form. I think back to stories of when my mum got married, it was a strict household where my grandmother and the men of the family made the rules and she had to follow them.

For those privileged enough to follow our values and do things differently, it can still be difficult to take action and this may be because we don’t understand our values.

Values are the driving force behind our decisions and actions, initially, they are formed when we are children when we absorb everything we see and hear around us. So many of our values come from parents, caregivers and those around us at a young age. As we grow we take on more influences from people we deem important, such as teachers, friends, and role models.

Some of these values we will know and consciously think about, whilst other values are subconscious, we won’t be aware of them but they also determine the life we are creating right now, this can have both a positive and negative impact on us.

For example, when I started my business I wanted to help as many people as possible and I wanted a successful business, so I followed all the advice, started social media accounts, posted content, etc, but I just wasn’t getting anywhere.

I took on some coaching from a colleague and found that some of my subconscious drivers were fear of rejection, and fear of looking bad because growing up I was told that women don’t openly talk about their issues, we keep things private and there was a need to be liked. I didn’t realise that these drivers were impacting how I was showing up in my business because as a result I was avoiding reaching out to people directly in case they said ‘no’ and I didn’t post content from my personal life. It took some mindset work to change how I think and feel about presenting myself online and discussing my business.

If you’ve been setting goals that you’ve not been achieving, perhaps you’ve talked yourself out of it, procrastinated or something has got in the way, there could be an unconscious driver that is getting in the way.

When we want to change or create goals to follow our big dreams, we need to be clear on WHY we want that goal or dream. And values are what lie behind the WHY.

A book I’ve recommended before is ‘Start with WHY’ by Simon Sinek, he goes through motivations and values in more detail.

He also mentions that success comes when you are clear about WHY you are doing what you do. So, if there is something you want right now in your life, career, relationship, etc, spend some time pondering WHY you want it.

This is what I want you to focus on first. Can you define your ‘WHY’ or your version of success?

Below are some coaching questions to help you understand your definition of success, WHY you want it and some questions to help you understand your values. I hope these will bring you a clearer understanding of your ambitions and then a clearer path to achieve them.